


What's In A Name?

by Blackarrow_bagels1



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: i wrote this on a dare i dared myself to do, im so sorry, it's a crackfic, this is barely a timkon fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:33:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26317222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackarrow_bagels1/pseuds/Blackarrow_bagels1
Summary: Bruce has a nightmare the night before Tim's wedding
Relationships: Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 10
Kudos: 105
Collections: One Word Week (FSG Theme Week)





	What's In A Name?

**Author's Note:**

> this was based off a conversation in Discord a few days ago. Things got out of hand very quickly, and I said I'd write this if everyone stopped adding names. It didn't work, but by then I had already committed myself to writing this. 
> 
> Technically, this fits Day 7: Dread as a prompt- I certainly felt dread while writing it.
> 
> A link to all the names and their associated characters: file:///Users/roxannegarland/Downloads/an_unofficial_list_of_tim_drakes_last_names%20(2).pdf
> 
> This fic doesn't deserve comments but if you do comment I'll love you

The planning was over. Bruce lay back in bed, after an eerily silent patrol. Most of his children were married, but this was different. Dick’s wedding was a small affair, with only immediate family invited. Jason’s wedding was somehow smaller, the other groom’s family not even invited. Stephanie and Cassandra’s wedding was equally quiet, with no fanfare. 

Tim’s was different. Of course, he and Kon wanted a small wedding, something that wouldn’t attract too much attention, but their wishes quickly became irrelevant. The moment Luthor found out his son was getting married to a Wayne, the race was on. Each billionaire had competed fiercely, trying to out plan the other. Tomorrow was going to be extravagant. The media were already camped outside the venue, there was no roof (so flying heroes could attend without an RSVP- a fun surprise for Luthor), invitations had gone out to every citizen in Gotham and Metropolis, and there was so much more.

Bruce’s excitement was palpable all day. His son had resigned to his fate, and somehow talked Kon into also accepting this feud between their dads. They couldn’t even step outside without reporters hounding them for questions, but even that couldn’t quell Bruce’s feelings. Underneath all the dick measuring, competitive spending, performative paternal love, he was just happy his son was getting married. Tim was about to spend the rest of his life with someone he trusted, someone who made him happy.

Of course, every high comes to an end. Bruce was humming- out loud- to himself when the letter came. It was small, a white envelope with a green ribbon, and a generic stamp. There was no return address. That didn’t stop the World’s Greatest Detective from opening it, although it did pique his interest.  
“Detective. I did not receive my invitation, but rest assured- I will be there.”  
\-- 

That letter consumed his mind for the rest of the night. Patrol was fine, although Batman was on edge more than normal. Worries swam through his head unimpeded. The letter didn’t have a return address, but it didn’t need one. It was from Ra’s Al Ghul. There were only two people he called “Detective”- Bruce, and Tim. Tim was quiet about what happened when Bruce was lost in time, but he left detailed enough reports. Ra’s had tried to manipulate him, mercilessly testing him again and again in the hopes of finding someone worthy to produce an heir. He’d set his sights on Tim, and never taken them off. The idea of Ra’s being at the wedding terrified Bruce more than he could say. He had spies everywhere- had one of them unknowingly been invited? 

That night wasn’t much better. Selina left to tend to her cats, and Bruce tried to fall asleep, content to triple check security in the morning. However, a different thought ran in his mind. If Ra’s had manipulated Tim while Bruce was gone- what would stop Luthor? He was in an even better position, technically being Tim’s father-in-law, and he had resources Batman didn’t know of. Manipulating his son would be far too easy, and the perfect revenge. Tim was a smart boy- hardworking and strategic. He was also a people pleaser to a fault, and subconsciously craved attention. If Luthor could usurp Bruce’s position as Tim’s father, could worm his way into Tim’s new life, there would be nothing to stop him.  
\--

Bruce wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, but he was sure when he woke up. The time didn’t matter- the sun was in the sky. He grabbed the invitation on his bedside table, checking the time for the hundredth time since it’d been sent.

“Save The Date! You’re Invited to the wedding of Conner Kent-Luthor and Timothy Drake-Wayne-Al-Ghul!”

Bruce ripped the letter in shock. Ra’s had somehow already gotten to Tim. He grabbed the phone and called his son, dread growing exponentially with every ring.

“B?” Tim’s voice seemed surprised, as if nothing was wrong. 

“Your last name.” Bruce demanded. “Say it to me.”

“Bruce, you’re-”

“Tim. Tell me your last name right now.”

“Ok, Ok. You sound really worried- it’s Drake-Wayne. But Conner and I are gonna hyphenate, remember? It’ll be Drake-Wayne-Luthor-Al-Ghul.”

Bruce hung up in shock. His nightmare last night was becoming a reality. He started to get ready for the wedding- if he didn’t leave soon, he wouldn’t have enough time before to talk Tim out of this.  
\--

Things had started to spiral out of control by the time he got there. There was a sign outside the venue- courtesy of Lexcorp- which made Bruce’s heart sink.

“Parking for The Wedding- Kent-Lane-Luthor-Leech-El Lot A, Drake-Winters-Wayne-Kyle-Al-Ghul Lot B.” Bruce nearly fainted. Tim had included more of his parents in the name- but Ra’s had still somehow injected himself in, like a parasite.

The day, somehow, got worse. Bruce wasn’t sure when, or how, or w h y, but the name got longer. He suspected Jason’s handiwork- whenever something left Bruce speechless, it was usually Jason’s fault. Tim had added “Pennyworth” onto his name, a kind gesture to the man who raised his own adopted father. But then, for some godless reason, he continued. 

“Timothy Jackson Drake-Winter-Wayne-Kyle-Pennyworth-Grayson-West-Todd-Of Bana-Mighdall-Queen-Anders-Knight-Woosan-Brown-Gordon-Bertinelli-Cain-Thomas-Harper-Row-Webb-Kane-Montoya-Fox-Al-Ghul

He’d added his siblings' names into the roster. And their spouses. And their parents. And that time he married Tam Fox for publicity. And he still wanted to hyphenate with Conner’s last name. And still- Ra’s Al-Ghul’s name lingered at the end, a perfect “fuck you” to Bruce. He watched as Hal Jordan and a few other Justice League members arrived, sidekicks in tow. He didn’t realize the carnage they could wreak until it was too late.

In a myriad of colors, the wax beginning to oxidize and peel off, everyone had a crayon in hand.

“Timothy Jackson Drake-Winters-Wayne-Kyle-Pennyworth-Grayson-West-Todd-Of Bana-Mighdall-Queen-Anders-Knight-Woosan-Brown-Gordon-Bertinelli-Cain-Thomas-Harper-Row-Webb-Kane-Montoya-Fox-Fox-Red-Robin-Allen-Sandsmark-King-Jones-Reyes-Thompkins-Hayes-Fite-Maad-Slobo-Quinn-Isley-Prince-Lance-Knight-Of Themyscira-Zatarra-Vale-McGinnis-Man-JJ-Al-Ghul.”

The last two names were particularly worrisome. JJ- Joker Junior. Remembering that harrowing month, the abuse Tim suffered at the hands of his dad’s feud, made Bruce sick. Despite these names being a last minute addition, Al-Ghul was somehow on the end. Ra’s must’ve had a minion here, or he was already here himself. 

Bruce looked at the ripped wedding invitation. Tim’s last name was too long now- it had been abbreviated. “Tim DWWKMLKLPGTKWBGCTWHRQRFFASKJRMTHFMSBQIWKPKOFZVMLJJAG.” It didn’t even look like a name anymore- it reminded Bruce of when Alfie the Cat would walk all over the batcomputer, corrupting files with his need to be pet.

The ceremony itself wasn’t as chaotic as the moments leading up to it. Once everyone had settled into their seats, crayons put away, and the organ music started, it was a peaceful event. Bruce walked his son down the isle, failing to hold back tears. Tim stood at the altar, beaming with joy when Kon flew in with Clark on his arm. Both superheroes took their seats, ready for the vows.

The priest laughed. A deep, familiar laugh. The kind of throaty, condescending, patient laugh that signaled Bruce had just lost. The exact laugh Ra’s used, when he brought Jason back to life.

Ra’s was the priest. How had they not vetted the priest. He continued to speak, putting more emphasis on every word

“Do you, my dear Detective, Timothy Jackson Drake-Winters-Wayne-Kyle-Man-Luthor-Kent-Lane-Pennyworth-Grayson-Todd-Knight-Woosan-Brown-Gordon-Cain-Thomas-West-Harper-Row-Queen-Fox-Fox-Red-Robin-Allen-Sandsmark-King-Jones-Reyes-Montoya-Thompkins-Hayes-fIte-Maad-Slobo-Bertinelli-Quinn-Isely-Webb-Kane-Prince-Knight-Of Themyscira-Zatarra-Vale-McGinnis-Leech-El-Joker Junior-Al-Ghul-”

Bruce didn’t hear the rest. The stress of the day overtook him, and he felt a sharp pain in his chest. It burned, all the way down to his left ring finger, and made thinking impossible. He’d read up on the signs of heart attack, but this was the first time he’d experienced one.  
\--

Bruce woke up in a cold sweat. He was panting heavily, the sheets of his bed pooled around his waist. The sun was down. He grabbed the phone, desperate to call Tim. He needed to make sure his son was alright. The phone barely rang before the connection was picked up.

“B? I can’t sleep-” Tim started to say, but he was interrupted by his frantic father.

“WHAT’S YOUR LAST NAME?!” Bruce cried, his voice hoarse from nonuse and fear. Tim hesitated on the other side of the line- oh god Ra’s was already there, he’d taken Tim as his own, he’d lost-

“Drake-Wayne. I actually wanted to talk to you about that, though. I want to change it. I’ll be Tim Wayne Drake-el, if that’s good with you?”

Bruce checked the time. Five in the morning- the day before the wedding. It had all been a nightmare. A strange, dreadful nightmare.

“Of course that’s fine with me, Tim. I love you, you know that, right?”

“Of course, dad.”


End file.
